Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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