Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
