Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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