My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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