I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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