I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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