I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
