The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
