He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
