Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
