are you still at the devil's house?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
