I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
