so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
