I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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