it's not cheating when I paid for it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
