Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
