Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
