I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
