you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
