Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
