On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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