I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
