I got chris browned last night
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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