I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
