please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
