Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
