as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
