Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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