one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
