I accidentally burped into my bong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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