never play flip cup with pint glasses
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
