I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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