I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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