dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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