At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
FUCK WHALES
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
