Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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