i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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