Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
