I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
