There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
