Jerry, you need to find god
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
