He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
