After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
