This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
