everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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