were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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