its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
