have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
