Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
