I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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