This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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