Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
