just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
