I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
