Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
