I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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