I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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