put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
