What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
