Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
