smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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