its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize