Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My pussy is not your playground.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
