Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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