I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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