you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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