We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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