are you still at the devil's house?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
