she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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