How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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